You know you’re middle aged when your shed starts filling up with power tools instead of pornography.
Pornography
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Tag Archives: Humour
Psychics
Psychics. Convince someone you’re channeling their dead grandmother by spitting on a handkerchief and trying to wipe their face.
Dan Brown
If you suddenly rearrange the ancient words in this mysterious quote you can make your very own Dan Brown novel.
Ikea
Quote
Bought a lamp stand from IKEA. Assistant asked, ‘If I was putting it up myself’ I said “No, I’m putting it in my lounge’
David Hasslehoff
Apparently David Hasslehoff is changing his name to just David Hoff.
He cant be bothered with the hassle.
Parrots
I sell bite guards for aggressive parrots.
It covers the bills.
Bull
I saw a bull charging in the field yesterday.
I didn’t even know they used electricity
Charles Darwin
Charles Darwin wrote a paper about a classmate who wet herself because she was scared of toilets. He called it The Theory of Eva Loo Shun.
Nuts
I’ve put a little sign on my bird-feeder saying “Warning! May contain nuts” in case any of them have allergies.
Robbery
I was the getaway driver for a robbery at a paper factory in Bristol last night.
We took the A4.
Nicholas E Jones 