The collective noun for bison is herd, unless they are on tiptoes, in which case they are unherd.
I keep telling everyone squirrels just won’t stop attacking and biting me.
They probably think I’m nuts.
I’ve heard the man stealing t-shirts in order of size is still at large.
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can’t remember the lyrics.
I was walking down the road when a man threw a small tin of cash at me. “That’s petty” I thought..
You know you’re middle aged when your shed starts filling up with power tools instead of pornography.
I had an argument with someone today, to put their point across they threw a pair of orthopaedic shoes at me. I now stand corrected.
Psychics. Convince someone you’re channeling their dead grandmother by spitting on a handkerchief and trying to wipe their face.
If you suddenly rearrange the ancient words in this mysterious quote you can make your very own Dan Brown novel.
Bought a lamp stand from IKEA. Assistant asked, ‘If I was putting it up myself’ I said “No, I’m putting it in my lounge’