Microsoft

Pretend to be a Microsoft product by shouting ‘Not Responding!’ and just sitting there with your arms folded whenever you get a bit busy.

Old Lady

An old lady in the bank asked me to help check her balance. I took her walking stick away and she fell right over.

Prince George named after the pub in West Bromwich where he was conceived.

I love how people say they’re “expecting” a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.

The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.

I am in favour of trapdoors that open up beneath people who take longer than 15 seconds to move on after paying for something at a checkout.

My wife caught me off guard and asked me to tell her a Tennis joke

I said “Sorry, Tennis innuendos simply aren’t my forte – love”

I really hope Kate and Wills have a little boy and call him Prawn.. would be awesome to have a King Prawn on the throne.

Be careful if you’re thinking of getting a rescue cat. My nan had one. She slipped and fell one day and the cat literally sat doing nothing.

I wonder what the American Confederate Republic of Nautical Yacht Makers uses as its acronym?

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