Spice up a boring salad by replacing the vegetables with bacon and placing it between 2 slices of bread.
Just found some toadstools at the bottom of my garden..
I wish the slimy gits would poo somewhere else.
The more I look at my Swiss Army Knife, the more I understand why the Swiss Army never gets involved in wars.
Granola is produced by holding second-hand computer keyboards upside down and shaking them.
The more Twitter tells me it’s over Capacity, the more I suspect Twitter still loves Capacity and regularly sits outside her house, weeping.
Opening a window to let out a fly and ending up with thirty midges, three wasps, two bees and an owl!