My Grandad was a steam train enthusiast… in fact, he once got stuck in the engine of one… he was chuffed to bits.
Fool people into thinking you’re a metal detector by pointing at some metal and saying “that’s metal”.
Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy
Pretend you’re a kangaroo by sticking a photo of your child out of the top of your pants.
Just wondering if Jewish doctors get paid for doing circumcisions, or just get to keep the tips.
Someone once threw some herbs in my eyes. It didn’t blind me but I’m now parsley sighted.
The second highest cause of death worldwide, after heart disease, is Jessica Fletcher checking into the same hotel as you.
I’m quite sore after last night’s curry. I told my friend and he said ‘ring sting?’. Anyway, I called him. He wasn’t remotely interested.
Pheasant farmers need to raise their game.
Just used the last of the antiperspirant spray. Roll on tomorrow.