Archaeologists have dug up a book called ‘Irish Dancing Part 2’ – ‘What to do with your arms’

Rocket has taken off from Beijing carrying chocolate bars – I think it’s just Chinese Wispas

Sepp Blatter’s kids defend their father’ “He’s totally against racism in football”, exclaimed Klu, Klux and Klan

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ – I thought, ‘What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?’

Fell asleep at the wheel – What a mess…Clay everywhere

I think the word ‘cliche’ is being used far too often & has become meaningless

I forget the names of mountains – Think I’ve got Alpsheimers

I just bought a Rick Astley alarm clock, it’s never gonna get me up…

Does anybody else think Rebeckah Brooks looks like Dougal from The Magic Roundabout!

Drinking goat’s milk is not as bad as getting the grass stains out of your jeans when you are done!