Just answered the front door in my pants. Strange place to have a door, really.

I’ve just started up a webpage to help people with conjunctivitis. It’s a site for sore eyes.

You’re never more than four metres away from someone who makes up false statistics.

To discourage visitors from staying too long over Christmas hang some mistletoe above the toilet.

A man was found dead with a chocolate ball up his bum, police have arrested George Michael they suspect he was careless with a whisper….

If any of you ever get an email from me and the subject is tinned meat. Go ahead and delete it, it’s just SPAM.

‘Don’t move’ I shouted at the man looking thru the estate agents window

You’re right – before you ask – I am psychic

I’ve never been skydiving myself, but I have zoomed in on Google earth really fast.

If you hold the sole of your foot against your ear you can hear the sound of your hip dislocating.