I forget the names of mountains – Think I’ve got Alpsheimers

I just bought a Rick Astley alarm clock, it’s never gonna get me up…

Does anybody else think Rebeckah Brooks looks like Dougal from The Magic Roundabout!

Drinking goat’s milk is not as bad as getting the grass stains out of your jeans when you are done!

The only thing that will change my opinion on womens football is if they swap shirts at the end of the match…

Italian police have arrested a man holding a BBQ serving bear meat. Yuk. That sounds a bit grizzly.

11% of men admit to lying about their age. I think I might start doing that when I reach my thirties.

Every time I make a phone call or send a text I can hear the sound of running water. I think my phones been tapped

Men think about sex every seven seconds…..Which is why I eat hot dogs in under six seconds…so it doesn’t get weird