Mrs Jones asked me what the pile of clothes is doing on the bedroom floor – Told her it’s a dead Jedi

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian “Excuse me, I’m after a book by Shakespeare.” “Which one?”, she replies. “William.”

Tramp asked me for 50p for a sandwich. I said – Let’s see the sandwich first

I love bees. Bees are great. I am definitely not being forced to write this by a huge bee that’s flown in.

I put my mobile phone in a big sea shell so I can use it whilst driving, If the police see me they’ll just think I’m listening to the sea.

I found the police activity at my local polling station totally unnecessary. Show me where it says I can’t vote naked.

Do I have insomnia or amnesia? Was up all night thinking about it, but I’ve forgotten which is which.

A man who took Ryanair to court after losing his luggage has lost his case.

Cadbury’s have just donated a giant chocolate bar to the Bank of England. It’s a massive Boost for the economy

Killed a wasp with my shoe – Don’t care how big the wasp is – It’s not stealing my shoe