I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them…..

If Jim has 50 chocolate bars, and eats 45, what does he have? Diabetes. Jim has diabetes.

I once went to hire a pedal boat, but didn’t want them recording my name and address. No way I’m going in a pedalo file

Just noticed a sign on a pub door saying Guide Dogs Only. Possibly the most exclusive pub ever.