Nicholas E Jones

Thats Me

Rebekah Brooks’ hairdresser has admitted charges of hacking,

I’m wearing just a short sleeved shirt to work for the first time this year. Think I might have been a bit ambitious. My genitals are really cold.

Convince everyone in your street they slept through a flash flood by going out at night and leaving fish on top of their cars.

Making love is like riding a bicycle. Especially if your partner is inflatable and they get a puncture.

I’m wondering if the queen pulls the duvet up so you can only see her head, then says “Look Philip i’m a stamp!”.

The collective noun for bison is herd, unless they are on tiptoes, in which case they are unherd.

I keep telling everyone squirrels just won’t stop attacking and biting me.

They probably think I’m nuts.

I’ve heard the man stealing t-shirts in order of size is still at large.

Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can’t remember the lyrics.

I was walking down the road when a man threw a small tin of cash at me. “That’s petty” I thought..

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