The man who invented crosswords has died, his wife has said that he wouldn’t want us to get 2 down…
It’s actually illegal to be a grandparent if you don’t have a barometer somewhere in your house
Wife: Can you open this jar of gherkins?
Me: Of course. ‘opens jar of gherkins’ There you go.
And so the seduction begins.
The word ‘moustache’ comes from the French word ‘moustache’ meaning ‘moustache’.
Defibrillators repulse me.
How to deal with a spider –
1) Get a glass & bit of paper
2) Put glass over spider
3) Slide paper under glass
4) Move house.
Just found a wrestler in the toilets.
Threw me a bit.
Met a dolphin once, chatted for a while and we just seemed to click.
Just tried to kill a spider by spraying it with lynx, but now there’s loads of sexy female spiders chasing it.
I’m thinking of becoming Slimmer of the Year by buying a really big pair of trousers.