I’m making a chicken bake later. It’s about time I had a night off from cooking.
Chicken
1
Salad
Spice up a boring salad by replacing the vegetables with bacon and placing it between 2 slices of bread.
Toadstools
Just found some toadstools at the bottom of my garden..
I wish the slimy gits would poo somewhere else.
Swiss Army Knife
The more I look at my Swiss Army Knife, the more I understand why the Swiss Army never gets involved in wars.
Granola
Granola is produced by holding second-hand computer keyboards upside down and shaking them.
The more Twitter tells me it’s over Capacity, the more I suspect Twitter still loves Capacity and regularly sits outside her house, weeping.
Fly
Opening a window to let out a fly and ending up with thirty midges, three wasps, two bees and an owl!
Microsoft
Pretend to be a Microsoft product by shouting ‘Not Responding!’ and just sitting there with your arms folded whenever you get a bit busy.
Old Lady
An old lady in the bank asked me to help check her balance. I took her walking stick away and she fell right over.
Prince George
Prince George named after the pub in West Bromwich where he was conceived.
Nicholas E Jones 