Met a dolphin once, chatted for a while and we just seemed to click.
Dolphin
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Whale
If a whale washes up on a beach near you, make sure that you get a photo. Those things rarely help when it comes to doing the dishes.
Spiders
Just tried to kill a spider by spraying it with lynx, but now there’s loads of sexy female spiders chasing it.
Slimmer of the Year
I’m thinking of becoming Slimmer of the Year by buying a really big pair of trousers.
Tour De France
Fool Tour De France spectators into thinking you’re a British rider by lying on the floor next to a bike.
Soup
“Waiter, I’d like the soup please. What is it?”
“It’s like a sort of drink with lumps in it”.
Alzheimers
It’s nice to see so many new faces at Alzheimers Club.
Sauna
Convince your neighbours you’ve installed a sauna by going to your shed in a dressing gown.
Undetected
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in short sentences often goes undetected.
Books
Just finished reading the fifth book in the “learning to count” trilogy.
Nicholas E Jones 