Nicholas E Jones

Thats Me

I’m thinking of becoming Slimmer of the Year by buying a really big pair of trousers.

Fool Tour De France spectators into thinking you’re a British rider by lying on the floor next to a bike.

“Waiter, I’d like the soup please. What is it?”
“It’s like a sort of drink with lumps in it”.

It’s nice to see so many new faces at Alzheimers Club.

Convince your neighbours you’ve installed a sauna by going to your shed in a dressing gown.

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in short sentences often goes undetected.

Just finished reading the fifth book in the “learning to count” trilogy.

Sad to hear that the Dutch inventor of inflatable shoes has popped his clogs.

The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn’t the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they’re hatching a dastardly plan.

Little known fact: If you step on Donald Trumps foot, his toupee lifts up like a pedal bin lid.

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