Shout Ahhhhh! in a library everyone stares at you. Do it on a plane & everyone joins in

I have Alzheimers…… Well at least I don’t have Alzheimers ..

Sometimes I wear camouflage trousers & a light blue T-Shirt so as I can hide on the horizon

Would rather have Parkinsons than Alzheimer’s because I’d rather spill my beer a little than completely forget where I put it!

A man has been jailed for chewing off his friend’s ear. I was expecting a pardon.

Mates new baby boy. Asked me if I’d like to wind him. Thought that’s a bit much. Gave him a dead leg instead

Clicked on Tools in Internet Explorer – Peter Mandleson came up

Was just hit in the head with a wurthers, and I thought……… That’s original

Wish me luck with Marathon. Managed 2 hrs, 35 mins last year & then I just had to watch something else

Checked my piles using a mirror. Maybe I should have waited till the lift was empty